theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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