planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize