and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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