my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
