dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
