i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
