I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
