Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize