they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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