Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
