You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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