Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
