I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
