dude i'm inner monologue high
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
