listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
