why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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