Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
