brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just cut my nipple shaving
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
