So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
