I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
