We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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