i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
