im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize