You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
