Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
