I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
