A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
