Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
