This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
