would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
