You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
