She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
