Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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