You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
