The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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