I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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