Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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