after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize