did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
