You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
