$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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