My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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