I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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