why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
