good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
