Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
