States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
