so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize