A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
