She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
