Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
