I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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