OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
