that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
