Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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