it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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