mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
