You're my little dorito
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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