dude i'm inner monologue high
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
