Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
