Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
