I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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