Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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